| Selection - One Who Unites Heaven and Earth |
From childhood, I entertained myself by reading books and singing songs. Composition and singing were my favorite subjects at school, and I was often praised for my clear, strong pronunciation in reading texts—even by the school principal himself. I think the reasons for my becoming a musician at one point had a lot to do with what I experienced during that period.
I was a fine-featured, pale-faced child with rounded shoulders, a sunken chest, and short stature. Even so, I did not project a gloomy image to others. This was due to my affable disposition and ever-present smile. One thing that I could never bear was to give an unpleasant feeling to others. I seem to have gone to great lengths never to hurt people’s feelings or make them feel bad. I think that, with the passage of time, this turned into a habit and gave me the natural ability to see into people’s hearts, so that, without the slightest effort, I could always speak and behave in ways that would not hurt people’s feelings.
To me, it was always preferable to lose something than to gain it by harming others. There was no particular reasoning behind this. It simply felt like the most natural way to behave.
After the fire that raged in the wake of the Great Kanto Earthquake of 1923, we were left homeless and without possessions, and were living in emergency barracks with only the clothes on our backs. One day at school, donations coming from various parts of the country were distributed to us children who had suffered from the earthquake. Among the donated articles, the most valuable items were the clothing. However, there was not enough clothing to be distributed to all the students. The teacher then said: “Any students who have no clothing other than what you are wearing now, please raise your hands.” Almost all the children raised their hands. Only I and two or three other students kept our hands down. I did not raise my hand because I remembered that, besides the shirt I was wearing at the moment, I had another that had been given to me by relatives in the interior.
I returned home thinking it only natural that I had not been given anything. That day, donated items had apparently been distributed in the other schools too, and all my older brothers and sisters had received clothing. Upon seeing that I had come home empty-handed, my mother said: “Didn’t they give out any clothing at your school?”
“They did, but I told them I had another shirt at home, so I didn’t receive any,” I replied.
Hearing this, my mother exclaimed: “I can’t believe my ears! Here was a chance to get another article of clothing, and... What a shame! This child is hopeless!” As she spoke, she looked at me in utter dismay.
Upon hearing those words, I suddenly began to think that perhaps I was indeed a foolish child. I knew that all the students who had raised their hands had gone home with clothing. Among them were boys from well-to-do families. I felt absolutely disconsolate and hung my head before my mother. I was ready to cry if she said another word.
Happily, my mother uttered no further words of reproach. In her eyes, I must have seemed a sadly stupid child who, with but one other shirt to his name, thought nothing of rejecting a precious gift of clothing.
For quite some time this incident lingered in my youthful mind as an unresolved problem. Was I honest, or was I an honest fool? Not until several years later did I reach the conclusion that I had acted in the only way that was possible for me at the time. Then, and only then, did my heart become light again.
In childhood, physical frailty was not my only problem. Ever since my first year in school, my left eyelid had been red and swollen and always looked inflamed. I applied various types of remedies to it and bandaged it, but this only accentuated my unwell appearance and made me look even more frail. Though examined by various doctors, the inflammation refused to heal. Looking back on it now, it seems to me that both my eye condition and my frail physique must have been a means for purifying the erroneous thoughts, or karma, of my ancestors.
These various infirmities had the effect of subduing my naturally lively and joyful nature, turning me into a person who related more actively with the inner self than with the external world. In other words, it naturally led to my taking an interest in the affairs of the soul. |
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